OU/Miami Rivalry...
...if you are liberal with words enough to call it a rivalry. Our inferiors in Athens seem to care a lot more about the so-called rivalry, while we generally just ignore them. Probably for the best that they stay away. We don't want any of their infectious diseases.
OU's lame attempt at a slam on my beloved University, written by the ENTIRE EDITORIAL BOARD of their paper. Clearly, it takes that many OU students to create enough brain power to write such an article:
Miami University sucks. That isn't a statement of opinion - that is a scientific fact.
Take Oxford, Ohio, the earthly site of that university. Oxford sucks. You know what's a fun thing to do in Oxford? Leave. We don't want there to be any mistake that we're insulting the town, so let's be honest about what we're looking at here: eight dozen brick buildings in the middle of a cornfield. From there, the Miami equation is simple enough. Pull 15,000 teenagers out of their local Sunglass Hut, toss in a porn shop a few miles down the road and call it a day. The result is the kind of thing you wouldn't want your mother to see because it's just too dirty. Something like the hellish product of a one-night stand between Old MacDonald and Paris Hilton.
Want to get acquainted with the Miami Boy Experience? Throw on some Brooks Brothers and your upside-down visor and get ready to keg-stand for the next three hours straight. By midnight you'll be ready to stumble out, maybe crash your Escalade into a drainage ditch and possibly even take a swing at a cop.
And sorry, boys. We know you're at least making an attempt to appear presentable, but Neutrogena was never meant to be used by men, no matter what you heard during The O.C. commercial breaks. Ask an OU man - he doesn't even know what conditioner is.
Then there are the legendary Miami girls. We could rag on them easily enough, but we won't. Those girls already have it hard enough, what with Miami boys chasing them, and books not making sense to them.
Even Miami's student groups suck. Such as the Miami University Radical Student Alliance. Upon hearing the name, you might imagine this is something awesome, like an alliance of students who drink liquor and swordfight on skateboards. You'd be wrong. This is just Miami's "Students for A Democratic Society" group. Yeah - we know even ascot-wearing dandies want to feel edgy once in a while, but what's with the name? This group is about as radical as spending spring break in your family's stable, slowly brushing knots out of a horse's mane while you deliberate whether or not your body might be the Wonderland John Mayer is crooning about through your iPod headphones.
Of course, if you go to Miami, this is probably a deeply familiar scenario.
Looking back into Miami's history is an uncomfortable experience. It's like looking through your neighbor's family photo album and learning that his great grandfather was - literally - a Nazi. It's no secret Miami's founders originally called themselves the Redskins, and even drew up a tasteless, feather-headed American Indian stereotype for a mascot. It wasn't until nearly two decades of thinly-veiled racism had elapsed that somebody finally called them out on it.
They eventually settled on "RedHawk," which, it turns out, isn't even a real animal. It's easy to imagine they arrived at the name by asking third graders to write down their favorite animal and color and then drew words out of a hat.The whole thing actually came about because they needed to find a new way to use hats that wouldn't muss their perfectly tousled hair.
Anyway, do they really think they can get off the hook that easily? Who do they think they are, the PC police?
If there's one thing Miami got right, it's Green Beer Day. If they want to dress in OU colors and vomit into "uptown" urinals at 5:30 in the morning, who are we to stop them? We can't help it if everyone's catching green fever. Green Beer Day is like the college equivalent of a 24-hour, beer-induced Freudian slip, and the message is clear: OU rules. Miami sucks.
First of all, try reading this out loud. The wording makes me cringe. Wah wah wah. You "suck". Give me a break. We're aware of the preppy Miami stereotype. Be original, for god's sake...
The best are the comments, which can be read below the article, and are basically an assortment of embarassment and apologies to Miami for the imbiciles who wrote this.
Our response:
To the Ohio University Post's Editorial Board:
I write in response to your Feb. 25 editorial ("We do it better: As OU's biggest rivalry heats up, Miami is still anything but cool"), which haphazardly assailed Miami University. Our student paper's editorial board refused to pen a response, the reasoning being something about having class and a shred of decency. It's sad the only program worth attending at OU (didn't get into Miami?!) can only produce a muddled, unfunny challenge to our university's prestige. As a favor, I will demonstrate how it's done properly:
My cheating ex-girlfriend attends OU. We broke up because she is stupid and ugly. I only call her cheating because she is a student in the engineering department. For her term paper she even copied former graduate students' misspellings.
I recently ran into an old high school friend, who went to OU, at the local Bath and Body Works, where he works. I pretended to be interested as he explained why OU's girls' volleyball team is better than Miami's. "We're rivals, you know?" No, I didn't. The average Miami student thinks our rivals are the University of Michigan, Ohio State University, the University of Cincinnati, Xavier University, Notre Dame University, Ohio State University again and then OU, in that order. You can be our rival when you get a hockey team. Maybe if your university's president had turned down that bonus…
I often hear from my cousin that the Halloween party in Athens is "off the hook." I asked her how many friends she invites into town to share in the festivities. "Just one. The university only gives me one guest wristband!" Nothing says wild and crazy like letting your administration put attendance quotas on your parties.
In your article, you mention Green Beer Day as a Miami student's day to wear green and pretend we go to OU. Okay I'll bite. We imagine you do start most weekdays with copious amounts of alcohol in an effort to numb the pain of living in Appalachia. Hooray for vomiting into urinals! The janitor at Skipper's confirmed this is indeed an OU tradition (class of '86 BTW). Oh, and speaking of accomplished OU alumni, those two guys who made Enzyte, the penis enhancement pill that was really just a placebo-they were Bobcats.
Finally, in response to your article's mention of our university's old mascot: Yes, the name Redskins is belittling and politically incorrect. So we changed our name, and we currently work with the Miami tribe to restore their language, display their artwork and offer scholarships for their young people. How fortunate Native Americans never inhabited the area around Athens, Ohio, knowing the land would some day be needed for an average academic institution serving middle-class, stoned, suburban underachievers.
Do I even need to touch on average SAT scores?
Take a shower to wash this one off. It would be your first in a few days.
SLAM.
My favorite comment on our page:
"Personally, I'd pay the OU article zero attention. When I was at Miami, OU was simply a giant party that happened to have a school attached to it. We'd roadtrip to Athens a couple times a year and pillage their women, who had much looser moral standards than their Miami counterpart. OU...not to be taken seriously."
Finally, I'd like to quote an anecdote from Phillip R. Shriver's "Miami University: A Personal History":
...in 1931 Jean West, a student from a farm in Scioto County, Ohio was denied further attendance at Miami because she failed to make sufficient progress toward a degree. Jean West did not accept her dismissal from Miami, and, with the encouragement and support of her father, she brought suit against the University...in the opinion of her father, testifying before the Court of Common Pleas in Butler County, if her daughter didn't have the smarts to graduate, it was up to Miami to see that she got the smarts and graduated. The university's case was that it had done its best to educate her, but Jean would have to do the rest for herself.
In the Appellate Court, the argument of Miami University was upheald, and Jean west was not allowed to return as a student. She promptly applied to Ohio University and was accepted, thereby elevating, as one wag suggested, the academic standards of both institutions simultaneously.
Miami > OU. It's a historical fact.
OU's lame attempt at a slam on my beloved University, written by the ENTIRE EDITORIAL BOARD of their paper. Clearly, it takes that many OU students to create enough brain power to write such an article:
Miami University sucks. That isn't a statement of opinion - that is a scientific fact.
Take Oxford, Ohio, the earthly site of that university. Oxford sucks. You know what's a fun thing to do in Oxford? Leave. We don't want there to be any mistake that we're insulting the town, so let's be honest about what we're looking at here: eight dozen brick buildings in the middle of a cornfield. From there, the Miami equation is simple enough. Pull 15,000 teenagers out of their local Sunglass Hut, toss in a porn shop a few miles down the road and call it a day. The result is the kind of thing you wouldn't want your mother to see because it's just too dirty. Something like the hellish product of a one-night stand between Old MacDonald and Paris Hilton.
Want to get acquainted with the Miami Boy Experience? Throw on some Brooks Brothers and your upside-down visor and get ready to keg-stand for the next three hours straight. By midnight you'll be ready to stumble out, maybe crash your Escalade into a drainage ditch and possibly even take a swing at a cop.
And sorry, boys. We know you're at least making an attempt to appear presentable, but Neutrogena was never meant to be used by men, no matter what you heard during The O.C. commercial breaks. Ask an OU man - he doesn't even know what conditioner is.
Then there are the legendary Miami girls. We could rag on them easily enough, but we won't. Those girls already have it hard enough, what with Miami boys chasing them, and books not making sense to them.
Even Miami's student groups suck. Such as the Miami University Radical Student Alliance. Upon hearing the name, you might imagine this is something awesome, like an alliance of students who drink liquor and swordfight on skateboards. You'd be wrong. This is just Miami's "Students for A Democratic Society" group. Yeah - we know even ascot-wearing dandies want to feel edgy once in a while, but what's with the name? This group is about as radical as spending spring break in your family's stable, slowly brushing knots out of a horse's mane while you deliberate whether or not your body might be the Wonderland John Mayer is crooning about through your iPod headphones.
Of course, if you go to Miami, this is probably a deeply familiar scenario.
Looking back into Miami's history is an uncomfortable experience. It's like looking through your neighbor's family photo album and learning that his great grandfather was - literally - a Nazi. It's no secret Miami's founders originally called themselves the Redskins, and even drew up a tasteless, feather-headed American Indian stereotype for a mascot. It wasn't until nearly two decades of thinly-veiled racism had elapsed that somebody finally called them out on it.
They eventually settled on "RedHawk," which, it turns out, isn't even a real animal. It's easy to imagine they arrived at the name by asking third graders to write down their favorite animal and color and then drew words out of a hat.The whole thing actually came about because they needed to find a new way to use hats that wouldn't muss their perfectly tousled hair.
Anyway, do they really think they can get off the hook that easily? Who do they think they are, the PC police?
If there's one thing Miami got right, it's Green Beer Day. If they want to dress in OU colors and vomit into "uptown" urinals at 5:30 in the morning, who are we to stop them? We can't help it if everyone's catching green fever. Green Beer Day is like the college equivalent of a 24-hour, beer-induced Freudian slip, and the message is clear: OU rules. Miami sucks.
First of all, try reading this out loud. The wording makes me cringe. Wah wah wah. You "suck". Give me a break. We're aware of the preppy Miami stereotype. Be original, for god's sake...
The best are the comments, which can be read below the article, and are basically an assortment of embarassment and apologies to Miami for the imbiciles who wrote this.
Our response:
To the Ohio University Post's Editorial Board:
I write in response to your Feb. 25 editorial ("We do it better: As OU's biggest rivalry heats up, Miami is still anything but cool"), which haphazardly assailed Miami University. Our student paper's editorial board refused to pen a response, the reasoning being something about having class and a shred of decency. It's sad the only program worth attending at OU (didn't get into Miami?!) can only produce a muddled, unfunny challenge to our university's prestige. As a favor, I will demonstrate how it's done properly:
My cheating ex-girlfriend attends OU. We broke up because she is stupid and ugly. I only call her cheating because she is a student in the engineering department. For her term paper she even copied former graduate students' misspellings.
I recently ran into an old high school friend, who went to OU, at the local Bath and Body Works, where he works. I pretended to be interested as he explained why OU's girls' volleyball team is better than Miami's. "We're rivals, you know?" No, I didn't. The average Miami student thinks our rivals are the University of Michigan, Ohio State University, the University of Cincinnati, Xavier University, Notre Dame University, Ohio State University again and then OU, in that order. You can be our rival when you get a hockey team. Maybe if your university's president had turned down that bonus…
I often hear from my cousin that the Halloween party in Athens is "off the hook." I asked her how many friends she invites into town to share in the festivities. "Just one. The university only gives me one guest wristband!" Nothing says wild and crazy like letting your administration put attendance quotas on your parties.
In your article, you mention Green Beer Day as a Miami student's day to wear green and pretend we go to OU. Okay I'll bite. We imagine you do start most weekdays with copious amounts of alcohol in an effort to numb the pain of living in Appalachia. Hooray for vomiting into urinals! The janitor at Skipper's confirmed this is indeed an OU tradition (class of '86 BTW). Oh, and speaking of accomplished OU alumni, those two guys who made Enzyte, the penis enhancement pill that was really just a placebo-they were Bobcats.
Finally, in response to your article's mention of our university's old mascot: Yes, the name Redskins is belittling and politically incorrect. So we changed our name, and we currently work with the Miami tribe to restore their language, display their artwork and offer scholarships for their young people. How fortunate Native Americans never inhabited the area around Athens, Ohio, knowing the land would some day be needed for an average academic institution serving middle-class, stoned, suburban underachievers.
Do I even need to touch on average SAT scores?
Take a shower to wash this one off. It would be your first in a few days.
SLAM.
My favorite comment on our page:
"Personally, I'd pay the OU article zero attention. When I was at Miami, OU was simply a giant party that happened to have a school attached to it. We'd roadtrip to Athens a couple times a year and pillage their women, who had much looser moral standards than their Miami counterpart. OU...not to be taken seriously."
Finally, I'd like to quote an anecdote from Phillip R. Shriver's "Miami University: A Personal History":
...in 1931 Jean West, a student from a farm in Scioto County, Ohio was denied further attendance at Miami because she failed to make sufficient progress toward a degree. Jean West did not accept her dismissal from Miami, and, with the encouragement and support of her father, she brought suit against the University...in the opinion of her father, testifying before the Court of Common Pleas in Butler County, if her daughter didn't have the smarts to graduate, it was up to Miami to see that she got the smarts and graduated. The university's case was that it had done its best to educate her, but Jean would have to do the rest for herself.
In the Appellate Court, the argument of Miami University was upheald, and Jean west was not allowed to return as a student. She promptly applied to Ohio University and was accepted, thereby elevating, as one wag suggested, the academic standards of both institutions simultaneously.
Miami > OU. It's a historical fact.
posted by caitie at
3:23 PM
4 Comments:
Catie,
The grammar and syntax in the original OU piece is far inferior to any kind of English standards that we were taught at Miami.
Way to fire back with a bang!
Andy B.
Okay, this is a minor point, but why are they harshing on Neutrogena? Must be Non-Sequitur Day.
<3, AD
TFKAH
Further proof that all schools in a city called Athens (outside of Greece) are lame. :)
Sounds like a good high school rivalry. Do Florida and Oregon high schools play each other? If it takes longer than two seconds to get my question, then you attend university in Ohio. Who attends school in a state like Ohio anyway. Place has been falling apart for 50 years, and your still waiting for those lucrative manufacturing jobs to return.
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